The Canadian Chronicles: Wicked, Wanton Steamy Romance Novels and the 9 Year Old

We were sipping our 5 o clock cocktails on the dock, when 9 year old K2 arrived, book in hand.  

“Mom, I think this book might not be appropriate for me.”

I spied the book that K3 and I had sent to K2 in her sleepaway camp care package.  

A month ago, we were wondering through the bookstore in the kid’s section, and K3 picked up a novel with a wolf on the cover.  She suggested that we send it to her sister who was away at camp.  The book looked good to me–K2 loves animals, why not?  In a hurry, we snatched it up and sent it off to camp.

Here’s why not:  now,  weeks later,  she was standing before me, holding Heart of the Wolf and looking at me questioningly. She handed it to me and the first words at the top of the page were “heaving bosom.”  I quickly scanned down and read more words like:  hot, pulsing, manhood; arching her back, entering, becoming one…I’m sure you get the picture.

I said, “Oh my goodness, you might be right.”  Quickly breaking into a mommy sweat, I began to flip forward and back.  “Perhaps this might be a little confusing for you.”

She waved my cares away with a nonchalant tween hand.  “I know about all of that stuff, mom.  It’s not confusing.  Since I’ve already kind of read it, do you think I can have my book back?”

I told her I would read it and see if the rest of the book was appropriate.  She didn’t seem phased by the answer and skipped off with her brother to look for frogs.

Meanwhile I’m reading a 26 page love scene with more foreplay, midplay and postplay than most lucky women see in their lifetime.  Naturally, I just assumed that because we found the book in the children’s section, that it was fair play instead of foreplay.

This is when people that don’t return things back to their original spot can really screw with a parent.  I don’t think I’ll ever buy a book again without doing my homework.

I quietly tucked Heart of the Wolf at the back of a high shelf in our office.  I’m keeping it for a more appropriate date–like her wedding night.

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